Who's Minding Your Money?

Money & Marriage – Five ways to get on the same page with money!

I was recently asked to speak at a marriage retreat on the topic of money and marriage. Therefore, I decided to take what I discussed and make it this month’s article. When it comes to money and marriage one of the leading causes of divorce is financial problems. According to John Thyden, a prominent Washington, D.C., divorce attorney. “Financial issues are the primary reason for 90 percent of divorce cases I handle,” says Thyden.

When my wife and I got married almost fourteen years ago, we both agreed that money would never be the cause of our marriage not working. It could be anything else but not money, and so far, we have stuck to that promise. I personally think that the biggest issue with money and marriage is not so much the amount but rather the differences in the spending habits of each person and their lack of communication about money. In all my years of studying, writing and speaking about personal finances, I have come to the realization that in most marriages there are spenders and savers.

The spenders like to spend with no accountability and the savers just want to save and penny pitch. This on the surface may not seem like a huge deal but underneath this could cause the communication problems that fuel money and marriage issues. The following are five things a married couple could do to get on the same page with money and marriage.

1.   Shared Financial Goals – like any partnership, it is important that both husband and wife have common financial goals. I recommend that each spouse sit down individually and write down several financial goals that they would like to achieve within specific times. Each should write down short-term goals (to accomplish within one year), mid-term goals (to accomplish within five years), and long-term goals (to accomplish five years and beyond). After writing down goals, both husband and wife should come together and determine which goals to work toward together.

2.   Clarify Expectations – Couples should sit down and articulate what each one expects to accomplish financially. Topics to be covered could include expectations about lifestyle, spending, saving and more importantly, who is going to handle the bill-paying chores. In most circumstances, one spouse is better at taking care of financial matters. This is the best candidate to handle the day-to-day bill paying duties.

3.   Financial Transparency – When talking to couples about money I always stress that the there should be financial transparency in your relationship. What I mean by that is each spouse should have access to all financial accounts and such. A survey by Smart Money Magazine revealed that of couples polled as much as 36 percent of men and more than 40 percent of women admitted to lying to their spouse about how much they had paid for a particular item.

My wife I have made the choice to have all money deposited into one household account. We also decided how much money she would need to have available to her for day-to-day expenses and that amount is put into a separate account for her. The transparency comes in because all banking accounts are joint accounts and both of us have access to all accounts. This prevents one spouse from hiding anything from one another.

4.   Everyone must be involved – Earlier I mentioned that there is usually a person in a marriage that is naturally better at handling the finances and that person should probably take care of the day-to-day activities. However, that does not mean that the person not handling the finances shouldn’t be involved. To get on the same page and stay on the same page all parties should have a say in how the household money is spent.

This means that there should be constant communication between couples whenever money comes into the household. One way to get on the same page is to have a short (and I do mean short) budget meeting a couple days before payday. If payday is on Friday, then on Tuesday or Wednesday that same week couples should sit down and decide how the upcoming paycheck should be spent. By doing this, everyone is automatically involved and knows what is going with the family finances. My wife and I have been doing this for the past eight years and it has made a world of difference in how we handle our finances.

5.   ­­Keep It Simple Silly (K.I.S.S) – My final recommendation for getting on the same page in a marriage is to keep things simple. You shouldn’t over complicate your finances when you don’t have to. Sit down with your spouse and come up with a plan that works for your family.

Getting and staying on the same financial page has to be one of the most challenging parts of communicating in a marriage. Between kids, careers and all the other things that are required in marriage money problems shouldn’t be one of them. Remember, compromise is an important part of any marriage's financial plan. Couples should work together to set goals that compliment your individual plans as well as the future of your household.

This article was written by Lonnie R. Mathews for the Who's Minding Your Money blog. Lonnie is an author and speaker in the area of personal finance. To learn more about Lonnie or to contact him visit www.lonniemathews.com